Hotel Signs…….. oh boy!

 

 

In a Tokyo Hotel:  It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If

you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

 

In another Japanese hotel room:  Please to bathe inside the tub.

 

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:  The lift is being fixed for the next

day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

 

In a Leipzig elevator:  Do not enter the lift backwards, and only

when lit up.

 

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:  To move the cabin, push button for

wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one

should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going

alphabetically by national order.

 

In a Paris hotel elevator:  Please leave your values at the front desk.

 

In a hotel in Athens:  Visitors are expected to complain at the

office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

 

In a Yugoslavian hotel:  The flattening of underwear with pleasure

is the job of the chambermaid.

 

In a Japanese hotel:  You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

 

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox

monastary:  You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian

and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except

Thursday.

 

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:  Not to perambulate the

corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

 

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  Our wines leave you nothing

to hope for.

 

On the menu of a Polish hotel:  Salad a firm’s own make; limpid

red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted

duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

 

In a Hong Kong supermarket:  For your convenience, we recommend

coureous, efficient self-service.

 

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:  Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

 

In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s:  Drop your trousers here for best results.

 

Outside a Paris dress shop:  Dresses for street walking.

 

In a Rhodes tailor shop:  Order your summers suit. Because is big

rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

 

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:  There will be a Moscow Exhibition

af Arts by 15000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These

were executed over the past two years.

 

In an East African newspaper:  A new swimming pool is rapidly taking

shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

 

In a Vienna hotel:  In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

 

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:  It is strictly forbidden

on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for

instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are

married with each other for that purpose.

 

In a Zurich hotel:  Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests

of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby

be used for this purpose.

 

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  Teeth extracted by the

latest Methodists.

 

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:  A lot of water

has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

 

In a Rome laundry:  Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the

afternoon having a good time.

 

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:  Take one of our horse-driven

city tours — we guarantee no miscarriages.

 

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:  Would you like to ride

on your own ass?

 

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:  To stop the drip, turn cock

to right.

 

In the window of a Swedish furrier:  Fur coats made for ladies from

their own skin.

 

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:  Guaranteed to

work throughout its useful life.

 

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:  Stop: Drive Sideways.

 

In a Swiss mountain inn:  Special today — no ice cream.

 

In a Bangkok temple:  It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner

if dressed as a man.

 

In a Tokyo bar:  Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

 

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:  We take your bags and send

them in all directions.

 

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:  If this is your first visit

to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

 

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:  Ladies are requested not to have

children in the bar.

 

At a Budapest zoo:  Please do not feed the animals. If you have

any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

 

In the office of a Roman doctor:  Specialist in women and other

diseases.

 

In an Acapulco hotel:  The manager has personally passed all the

water served here.

 

In a Tokyo shop:  Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find

they are best in the long run.

 

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air

conditioner:  Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm

in your room, please control yourself.

 

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:  When passenger of

foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at

first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with

vigor.

 

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

– English well talking.

– Here speeching American.

Signs That Make You Say Huh?

 

 

Spotted in a toilet of a London (UK) office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER  YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

 

Notice on a restaurant window
LUNCH SERVED DAY AND NIGHT