New Computer Virusses

NELSON MANDELA VIRUS
Stays locked away in some unused region of your pc for 27 years and then takes it over completely.

WINNIE MANDELA VIRUS
Extinguishes all data like a stompie.

APARTHEID VIRUS
Separates PowerPoint slides based on colour. The nice thing about this virus is that anything that goes wrong with your computer can be blamed on this virus.

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION VIRUS
A second rate virus that takes the place of a really good programme that was on your PC. In some cases the really good programme still hangs around and does all the work but the virus takes the credit.

MINI BUS TAXI VIRUS
Crashes through your PC with very little regard for the rules of the internet highway. Stops data traffic for no reason. Causes other data to explode. Doesn’t have a software licence.

STRIKERS VIRUS
Stops your PC in the middle of crucial production runs. Also causes your PC speakers to toi-toi at regular intervals, and isa lways demanding more memory.

MATRIC PAPER VIRUS
This virus is a stolen version of the realt hing. Makes your PC worth less than the plastic its made of.

THIRD WORLD VIRUS
Keeps turning your clock back by 20 years. Slows down the fastest PC to the speed of the operator and has to be manually supervised to check for errors.

SQUATTER VIRUS
Takes illegal residence of your PC and then starts stealing components, difficult to remove, claims to have more right to your PC than installed programmes, because its forefathers were there first.

EDUCATION POLICY VIRUS
Tries to drag all PCs down to the level of the slowest machine with the least memory.

AK-47 VIRUS
Is obsessed with killing your motherboard fatherboard and any other board that it finds.

ANC VIRUS
Also similar to the Microsoft Virus, Promises you the earth but fails to deliver or delivers software with more bugs than the original.

 

Blond se PC woordeboek

Log On – Make the braai hotter
Log Off – The braai is too hot
Monitor – Keeping an eye on the braai
Download – Get the firewood off the bakkie
Hard drive – Trip back home without any cold beer
Floppy Disc – What you get lifting too much firewood at once or music
by Brenda Fasie
Keyboard – Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys
Windows – What you shut when it’s cold
Screen – What you shut in the mosquito season
Byte- What mosquitoes do
Bit – What the damn mosquitoes did
Mega Byte -What the blerry mosquitoes do at the lake
Chip – A snack food
MicroChip – What’s left in the bag after they ate all your chips
Modem -What you did to the lawns
Dot Matrix – Old Jacobus Matrix’s wife
Laptop – Where your cat takes some zzzzs
Software – Plastic knife and fork you get at KFC
Hardware – Real stainless steel knives and forks from Pick ‘n Pay
Mouse – What eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe – What holds the shed up
Web – What spiders make
Web Site – The corners under the stoep where the spiders hang out
Cursor – An old ballie who swears a lot
Search Engine – What you do when the bakkie won’t start up
Yahoo – What you shout when the bakkie starts up
Upgrade – A verysteep hill
Server – The oke at the pub that brings out the lunch
Mail Server – The oke that brings the post
User – Your neighbour who keeps borrowing things
Network – When you have to repair your fishingnet
Internet – Complicated fish net repair method
Netscape – When fish manoeuvre out of reach of your net
Online – When the wife finishes hanging out the laundry
Off Line – When the stukkend pegs won’t hold the washing up.