MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive , press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent , please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3 , 4 , 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid , we know who you are and what you want , stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional , press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic , listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive , hang up. It doesn’t matter which number you press , nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic , press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar , please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss , press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss , press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss , press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal , put the gun down , hang up , turn on the fan , lie down and cry.
You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons.
You’ll just mess it up.