Hotel Signs…….. oh boy!

 

 

In a Tokyo Hotel:  It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If

you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

 

In another Japanese hotel room:  Please to bathe inside the tub.

 

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:  The lift is being fixed for the next

day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

 

In a Leipzig elevator:  Do not enter the lift backwards, and only

when lit up.

 

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:  To move the cabin, push button for

wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one

should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going

alphabetically by national order.

 

In a Paris hotel elevator:  Please leave your values at the front desk.

 

In a hotel in Athens:  Visitors are expected to complain at the

office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

 

In a Yugoslavian hotel:  The flattening of underwear with pleasure

is the job of the chambermaid.

 

In a Japanese hotel:  You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

 

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox

monastary:  You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian

and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except

Thursday.

 

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:  Not to perambulate the

corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

 

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  Our wines leave you nothing

to hope for.

 

On the menu of a Polish hotel:  Salad a firm’s own make; limpid

red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted

duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

 

In a Hong Kong supermarket:  For your convenience, we recommend

coureous, efficient self-service.

 

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:  Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

 

In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s:  Drop your trousers here for best results.

 

Outside a Paris dress shop:  Dresses for street walking.

 

In a Rhodes tailor shop:  Order your summers suit. Because is big

rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

 

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:  There will be a Moscow Exhibition

af Arts by 15000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These

were executed over the past two years.

 

In an East African newspaper:  A new swimming pool is rapidly taking

shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

 

In a Vienna hotel:  In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

 

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:  It is strictly forbidden

on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for

instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are

married with each other for that purpose.

 

In a Zurich hotel:  Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests

of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby

be used for this purpose.

 

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  Teeth extracted by the

latest Methodists.

 

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:  A lot of water

has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

 

In a Rome laundry:  Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the

afternoon having a good time.

 

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:  Take one of our horse-driven

city tours — we guarantee no miscarriages.

 

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:  Would you like to ride

on your own ass?

 

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:  To stop the drip, turn cock

to right.

 

In the window of a Swedish furrier:  Fur coats made for ladies from

their own skin.

 

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:  Guaranteed to

work throughout its useful life.

 

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:  Stop: Drive Sideways.

 

In a Swiss mountain inn:  Special today — no ice cream.

 

In a Bangkok temple:  It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner

if dressed as a man.

 

In a Tokyo bar:  Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

 

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:  We take your bags and send

them in all directions.

 

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:  If this is your first visit

to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

 

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:  Ladies are requested not to have

children in the bar.

 

At a Budapest zoo:  Please do not feed the animals. If you have

any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

 

In the office of a Roman doctor:  Specialist in women and other

diseases.

 

In an Acapulco hotel:  The manager has personally passed all the

water served here.

 

In a Tokyo shop:  Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find

they are best in the long run.

 

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air

conditioner:  Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm

in your room, please control yourself.

 

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:  When passenger of

foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at

first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with

vigor.

 

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

– English well talking.

– Here speeching American.

What I Want in a Man,Original List:


 

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 36)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs

3. Has enough money for a nice dinner

4. Wants to talk to me.
5. Laughs at my jokes

6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Has at least one shirt with the arms cut out

8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal

9. Loves to go for drives
10. Seeks romance at least 3 times a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady – splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed

2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public

3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting

5. Doesn’t retell the same joke too many times

6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7 . Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear

8. Appreciates a good TV dinner

9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

 What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn’t scare small children

2. Remembers where bathroom is

3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep

5. Remembers why he’s laughing

6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes

8. Likes soft foods

9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

 What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing

2. Doesn’t miss the toilet