Marketing Explained!

You see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”

– That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says,
“She’s fantastic in bed.”

– That’s Advertising.

 You see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to him and get his telephone number.
The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”

– That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy.
You get up and straighten your dress.
You walk up to him and pour him a drink.
You say, “May I,” and reach up to straighten his tie
brushing yourself  slightly against his arm, and then say,
“By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”

– That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy.
He walks up to you and says,
“I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

– That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy.
You talk him into going home with your friend.

– That’s a Sales Rep.


Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you.

– That’s Tech Support.

 You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there
could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing.
So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center
and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”

– That’s Spam.

 

What I Want in a Man,Original List:


 

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 36)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs

3. Has enough money for a nice dinner

4. Wants to talk to me.
5. Laughs at my jokes

6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Has at least one shirt with the arms cut out

8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal

9. Loves to go for drives
10. Seeks romance at least 3 times a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady – splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed

2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public

3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting

5. Doesn’t retell the same joke too many times

6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7 . Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear

8. Appreciates a good TV dinner

9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

 What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn’t scare small children

2. Remembers where bathroom is

3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep

5. Remembers why he’s laughing

6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes

8. Likes soft foods

9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

 What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing

2. Doesn’t miss the toilet