The Best Toast!

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the
night!He went home and told his wife,Mary,”I won the prize for the Best toast of The night.” She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said,”Here’s to spending the
rest of me life, shopping with yot in the mall
beside me wife.”
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast
about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I
was a bit surprised myself. You
know, he’s only been in there
twice in the last four years .
“Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep”.

 

Alcohol always win!!

Patrick and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said ‘Hang on, I have an idea.’


He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.


Shamus said ‘Are you crazy?  Now we don’t have any money at all!’

Murphy replied, ‘Don’t worry, just follow me.’
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said ‘Now you’ve lost it.  Do you know how much trouble we will be in?  We haven’t got any money!!’


Murphy replied, with a smile. ‘Don’t worry, I have a plan , Cheers! ‘


They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, ‘OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.’

The barman noticed  them, went berserk and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said ‘Murphy, I don’t think I can do any more of this.  I’m drunk and me knees are killing me!’


Murphy said, ‘How do you think I feel?  I can’t even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.’

Nie almal is skuldig nie!

Gammat sit op die pavement en bepeins sy lot. Hy’t sy werk verloor vrou het die kinders gevat en hom geskei.

Hy sien ‘n kas met wynbottels en loop soontoe. Hy vat ‘n lee bottel, smyt dit teen die muur en skel:  ” Djy issie reason lat ekkie ‘n vrou hettie!”

Hy vat ‘n tweede bottel:  ” Djy issie reason lat ekkie kinners hettie!”

Hy vat ‘n derde bottel:  ” Djy issie reason lat ekkie ‘n job hettie”

Hy vat die vierde bottel en sien dis nog nie oopgemaak nie – vol wyn nog.

Hy sit die bottel neer en se: ” Staan djy eenkant toe, my broe.  Ek sien djy wassie involved nie.”