INSTALLING A HUSBAND…….


Dear Tech Support,

Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in

overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which

operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and

Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as CRICKET 3.0 and GOLF CLUBS 4.1.1

Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail.

What can I do??

Signed,

Desperate.

 

 

DEAR DESPERATE ,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2

and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.1.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0

should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to

Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7…0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Trojan

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the

background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5…0 program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory

and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to

improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

New Computer Virusses

NELSON MANDELA VIRUS
Stays locked away in some unused region of your pc for 27 years and then takes it over completely.

WINNIE MANDELA VIRUS
Extinguishes all data like a stompie.

APARTHEID VIRUS
Separates PowerPoint slides based on colour. The nice thing about this virus is that anything that goes wrong with your computer can be blamed on this virus.

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION VIRUS
A second rate virus that takes the place of a really good programme that was on your PC. In some cases the really good programme still hangs around and does all the work but the virus takes the credit.

MINI BUS TAXI VIRUS
Crashes through your PC with very little regard for the rules of the internet highway. Stops data traffic for no reason. Causes other data to explode. Doesn’t have a software licence.

STRIKERS VIRUS
Stops your PC in the middle of crucial production runs. Also causes your PC speakers to toi-toi at regular intervals, and isa lways demanding more memory.

MATRIC PAPER VIRUS
This virus is a stolen version of the realt hing. Makes your PC worth less than the plastic its made of.

THIRD WORLD VIRUS
Keeps turning your clock back by 20 years. Slows down the fastest PC to the speed of the operator and has to be manually supervised to check for errors.

SQUATTER VIRUS
Takes illegal residence of your PC and then starts stealing components, difficult to remove, claims to have more right to your PC than installed programmes, because its forefathers were there first.

EDUCATION POLICY VIRUS
Tries to drag all PCs down to the level of the slowest machine with the least memory.

AK-47 VIRUS
Is obsessed with killing your motherboard fatherboard and any other board that it finds.

ANC VIRUS
Also similar to the Microsoft Virus, Promises you the earth but fails to deliver or delivers software with more bugs than the original.