Only real women will understand this…


A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the
most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in
the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver
when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that
her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that
she’d be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be
her best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more
shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with
a cup of coffee and a beautiful cream slice complementary from the
last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the
hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her
husband’s condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, ‘You
went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn’t you! I hope you’re  
proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying

yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive
Care Unit! It’s just as well you went ahead and finished, because it
will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the

rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you’ll now
be his carer!’ 

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed………..

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, ‘I’m just pulling your leg.
 He’s dead. What did you buy?’


Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle
without a razor?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know
there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake
up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice
as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it
would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder…….

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’

Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m
gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum.’

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed
if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They’re both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?

Stop singing and read on……

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?