Bedroom Golf!! So when do you turn pro?

1)Each player shall furnish his
own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.
2)Course played on must be
approved by the owner of the
hole.
3)Unlike outdoor golf, the object
is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of the hole.
4)For most effective play, the club
should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check
shaft stiffness before play begins.
5)Course owners reserve the right
to restrict the length of the club
to avoid damage to the hole.
6)The object of the game is to
take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied
that the play is complete. Failure
to do so may result in being
denied permission to play the
course again!
7)It is considered bad form to
begin playing the hole
immediately upon arrival at the
course. The experienced player
will normally take time to admire
the entire course, with special
attention to well formed bunkers.
8)Players are cautioned not to
mention other courses they have
played on or are currently
playing, to the owner of the
course being played. Upset
course owners have been known
to damage a player’s equipment
for this reason.
9)Players are encouraged to have
proper rain gear along, just in
case.
10)Players should assure
themselves that their match has
been properly scheduled,
particularly when a new course is
being played on for the first time.
Previous players have been
known to become irate if they
discover someone else playing
what they consider to be a private
course.
11)Players should not assume a
course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be
embarrassed if they find the
course to be temporarily under
repair. Players are advised to be
extremely tactful in this situation.
More advanced players will find
alternate means of play when this
is the case.
12)Players are advised to obtain
the course owner’s permission
before attempting to play the
back nine.
13)Slow play is encouraged;
however, players should be
prepared to proceed at a quicker
pace, at least temporarily, at the
course owners request.
14)It is considered outstanding
performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several times
in one match.
15)The course owner will be the
sole judge of who is the best
player.
16)Players are advised to think
twice before considering
membership at a golf course.
Additional assessments may be
levied by the course owner and
the rules are subject to change at
any time. For this reason, many
players prefer to continue playing
on several different courses.

Britain -Complaints to Councils — Classic!


Extracts from letters written by council tenants:

1. It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.