Pasop om Chillies te eet!!! Daar is nagevolge!!!

Gister is ek Builders Warehouse toe, maar ek is nie meer seker of dit ‘n wyse besluit was nie. Sien, die vorige aand het ek ‘n kerrie met chillis gemaak en ‘n m@erse lot van die dis opgevreet. Die chillis was een van Mike se gepatenteerde “jy-bek*k-jouse lf-c hilli” souse.
M@erse smaaklik, maar dit raak later nogal pynlik en ek kan julle n geskrewe guarantee gee dat jou h@l oop hang om asem te haal die volgende dag. Jou boudwange trek so wyd oop dit lyk soos ‘n spaniel se ore.

Nou toe ek vanoggend wakker word, toe verwag ek dat die 06:00 “trein” my sal toilet toe roep, maar niks het gebeur nie. Alhoewel ek kon voel hoe daai chillis deur my derms swem. Dat daai chillis wou uit was nie altemit nie, maar ek het nie meer geweet waneer nie. Maar ek het dinge gehad om te doen en moes toe Builders Warehouse toe gaan om Rubol vir die dek te kry . . .

Daar aangekom het ek die trollie gekry en so paar ander goetertjies gekoop soos houtskroewe en double sided tape, voordat ek by die verwe en terpentyne aangekom het. Dis die verste punt van die toilet af toe daai pyn deur slaan. Ek het met my elmboë op die trollie se handvatsel geleun op daai stadium.

Skielik is my tree vanself korter en toe my h@lspiere toe trek toe trek daai
selfde h@lspiere my arms ook reguit. Dit het gelyk of my bene se bearings geslaan het want ekt tot stilstand gekom. Ek dink my h@lspiere is deur die chillis gyselaar gehou gewees, want toe kom daar n waarskuwing skoot uit. Ek was te bang om te beweeg want anders kom daar nog walms uit, maar het geweet: “Bra, djy moet nou hardloop”.

Ek het in beweging gekom en net toe ek by die aisle uitstap, kom daar so bleeksiel nerd met sy Builders Warehouse pakkie en vra “More meneer. Waarmee kan ek u help?” Nou kyk…..die knaap weet van building net mooi f . . . ol, so ek mompel vinnig nee en stap aan. Ek is ook nou nie die afknouerige tipe nie, maar toe die knaap verder in die aisle afstap, toe draai ek om en kyk hoe die knaap in die rigting van daai walm stap. Genade mens. Dit was asof hy in ‘n muur vasgeloop het . Ek moes hom seker gewaarsku het, maar ek het nie. Sy oge het net so geknip-knip, toe val ‘n swerm onsigbare bye hom aan want hy waai sy arms en versnel in tru rat.

Ek was emosioneel in twee geskeur. Ek bars uit van die lag, maar DIT was ‘n groot fout. Daar kom ‘n sarsie skote daar onder uit, wat ek later hoor vir ander customers soos ‘n gewapende roof geklink het. Hulle het blykbaar dekking geslaan en hul beursies en selfone tussen die rakke weg gesteek. Dinge was vir my nie meer so snaaks nie en ek jaag toe met daai trollie af toilette toe. Niemand het ook ag geslaan op my nie want almal dink ek hol van die rowers se geweerskote af weg.
Maar al die pad “klap die skote” en ek hoop en bid ek maak die toilet voor die finale storting plaasvind. Vir “once in a while” was “luck” aan my kant.

My g@t het nog nie eers die sitplek geraak nie, toe vind daai einste finale storting plaas. Ek hoor toe hoe ‘n arme drommel die toilet instap en al wat hy se is “Liewe Blik …….!!!!” Daarna het ek die net sqeauk van die toiletdeur gehoor soos hy daar uit storm.

Uiteindelik is ek klaar en ek stap uit. Nog ‘n winkel assistent kom na my toe en se “Meneer, een of ander idioot het ‘n stinkbom in die winkel gelos. My bestuurder wil hê almal moet buite staan sodat hy die waaiers vir so 2 minute op full blast kan laat werk.” Ek het gegrinnik, maar daar was nog “rowers” aan die anderkant van my grensdraad wat toe die laaste ligte skote afvuur nog voor ek kon knyp. Die winkel assistent se neus het skielik gefrommel en na hy sy hemp oor sy neus getrek het, het hy sy vinger in my rigting gedruk en geskreeu “Dit was hy!” Die bestuurder het my eenkant toe geroep en ek is later formeel in kennis gestel, of liewer gese dat ek geban is by Builders Warehouse . . .

Ek is toe huis toe sonder die artikels wat ek wou aanskaf en net betyds vir middag ete. Al wat daar was om te eet, was gisteraand se chilli-kerrie wat toe nog beter smaak as voorheen. Ek eet toe maar die laaste lot ook op. Maar die dek moet geverf word met die Rubol, so more gaan ek Mica toe .

South African piping specs for use on all future projects.

1.264 Definitions for Pipes [As amended 01 05 06] per
Govt.Gazette 6784A/BZ/a1.

1. All pipes are to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal, copper or plastic
2. All pipes are to be hollow throughout the entire length – do not use holes of different length than the pipe.
3. The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed their OD (Outside Diameter) – otherwise the hole would be on the outside.
4. The pipe is supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later stage.
5. All pipe is to be supplied without rust: this can be more readily on the job site. NOTE: Some vendors are now able to supply pre – rusted pipes. If available in your area, this product is recommended, as it will save a great deal of time on the site.
6. All pipes over 150m in length should have the words “LONG PIPE” clearly painted on each side and end, so that the contractor will know it is a long pipe.
7. Pipe over 3 000m in length must have the words LONG PIPE” painted in the middle so that the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of pipe to determine whether it is a long or short pipe.
8. All pipe over 1.8m in diameter must have the words “LARGE PIPE” painted on it, so that the contractor won’t mistake it for a small pipe.
9. Flanges can be used on pipes. Flanges must have holes for bolts, quite separate from the big holes in the middle.
10. When ordering 90 or 30 degree elbows, be sure to specify left – hand or right – hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow in the wrong direction.
12. All couplings should have either right – handed or left – handed threads, otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on to one pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other.
13. All pipes shorter than 3mm are very un–economical in use, requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers.
14. Joints in pipes for water must be watertight. Those pipes for compressed air, however, need only be airtight.
15. Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not recommended for concrete or earthenware pipes.
16. Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include Conduit, Tube, Tunnel and Drain. Use only genuine pipes.

 

Vonkie's blog!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
— Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
— Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
— Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
— Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.

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Vonkie's blog!

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?


Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?


Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?


Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?


What is the speed of darkness?


Are there specially reserved parking…

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Vonkie's blog!

The following are genuine extracts of letters received by the MINISTRY OF LABOUR (SOUTH AFRICA) from people enquiring after money on the grounds of hardship. They are exact copies as they were received. Neither the wording nor the spelling has been altered.

Extract:
1. I am glad to state that my husband died yesterday. I will be glad if you get me a pension. If you don’t hurry up I will have to get public resistance.
2. I am enclosing my marriage certificate with three children. One of then is a mistake as you can see when you look into it. I am writing to say my youngest son is born two years old. Why not getting allowances for it.
3. I am enclosing certificate with six childran. One of them twins died. You asked if he is christened: yes he was baptised on half a sheet of paper by…

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Vonkie's blog!

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don’t believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites o n rainy week ends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite own tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to…

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Vonkie's blog!

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)…………they walk amongst us and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q. Name a major disease associated…

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