Are you stressed?!

Stress Reliever # 1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
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Stress Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.
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Stress Reliever # 3
 
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But Mom, I was sitting on Daddy’s lap.
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Stress Reliever # 4
 
Wife to husband: “What’s your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?”
Husband to wife: “Golfing with friends, my dear.”
Wife to husband: “What? At 2 am?”
Husband to wife: “Yes, We used night clubs.”
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Stress Reliever # 5

A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”

“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!”
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Stress Reliever # 6

Father to son after exam: “Let me see your report card.”
Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”
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Stress Reliever # 7
 
“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her roommate.
“Terrible!” the roommate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”

 

“Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What ‘s so bad about that?”
“He was the original owner!”
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Stress Reliever # 9
 
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”.

“My father grows beans,” said one student.

 

“My father cooks beans,” said another.

 

Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans.”
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Stress Reliever # 10
 
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”
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Stress Reliever # 11
 
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
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Stress Reliever # 12

A husband was asked: “Do you talk to your wife after sex?”

 

He replied: “Depends, if I can find a phone.”
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Stress Reliever # 13

Man to wife on wedding night: “Are you sure I’m the first man you are sleeping with?”

Wife replied: “Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!”
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Stress Reliever # 14

“Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?”
Answer: “Because people started licking the wrong side.”
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Stress Reliever # 15

Doctor to his lady patient: “You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?”
Lady replied: “Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.”
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Stress Reliever # 16

A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your sense of humour.”

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