Just because…. Can Socialism work?

An economics professor at a local University made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, “OK, we will have an experiment in this class on the socialism principles”.. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A…. (substituting grades for Rands – something closer to home and more readily understood by all).
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were HAPPY. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.
Could not be any simpler than that.
Remember, there IS a test coming up. The 2012 elections.
These are possibly the 5 best sentences you’ll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

You think you are in love so much you can feel it………!!! Well?

1.    Skippy heartbeat when you think of him/her.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Tachycardia which may lead to ventricular
fibrillation and Myocardial Infarction (Heart Attack).

2. Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Parkinson’s Disease

3. Constant smiling.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Bell’s Palsy

4. Absent mindedness, forgetfulness, inability to focus on tasks at work or at home.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease

5. Frequent or constant sexual arousal.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Nymphomania

6. Weakening of knees and bursts of energy when he/she calls or comes over.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Multiple Sclerosis

7. Inability to stop thinking about him/her.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

8. Bruising on neck, breasts and other tender areas.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Leukemia

9. Insomnia.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia

10. Feeling that you can smell/hear/feel him or her when not in his/her presence.
You think it’s: Love
Medical possibility: Schizophrenia

Do Cats stutter….?? Mmmm…….

A teacher is  explaining biology to  her 4th grade students.

“Human   beings are the only animals that stutter,’ she   says

A little girl raises  her hand. ‘I  had a kitty-cat who  stuttered.’

 

The teacher, knowing  how precious  some of these stories could become,

Asked  the girl to  describe the incident.

 

“Well,” she began,  ‘I was in the  back yard with my kitty

And the  Rottweiler that lives  next door got a running start

And  before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into  our  yard!’
‘That must’ve been  scary,’ said  the teacher.

‘It sure was,’ said  the little  girl.

‘My kitty raised   her back, went “Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,”

But  before  she could say ‘F**k-off !,’ the Rottweiler ate   her!

Prostate check-up…….!

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
 The female doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.The old guy obeys and says,”99”.
 The doctor says, “Great”. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, ’99”.
Again, the old guy says, ’99’.”The doctor said, Very good.
Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, ’99’.
The old guy begins, “One …. Two … Three” …
 You don’t stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing!!!

Misprints.

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” The same can be said for these English-challenged notes doctors wrote on patient charts:

“The patient is married but sexually active.”

“When standing with eyes closed, he missed his right finger to his nose and has to search for it on the left side.”

“She does indeed have a fear of frying and mental problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers.”

“The patient is a 53-year-old police officer who was found unconscious by his bicycle.”

“Her father died from a heart attack at age 12.”

The person who wrote this should be PRESIDENT! – BRILLIANT!

Dear President Zuma,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing South Africa ‘s economy.

Instead of giving billions of rands to the government that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan :

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them R2 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations :

1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings – unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new car.
Ten million cars ordered – Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university – Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy R100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week….. And there’s your money back in duty/tax etc

It can’t get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

Also….. Let’s put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ’s and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.  Live in a tiny room and pay R1,000.00+ per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention) :

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Rivier-sonder-End almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 200,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
————————————————————————

Never assume!!!!

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.
Unfortunately, the wife came

down with a terrible headache and told her

husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested,

but she argued and said she was going

to take some aspirin and go to bed,

and there was no need for his good time

being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for

about an hour, awakened without pain and,

as it was still early enough, decided

to go to the party.

Since her husband did not know what
her costume was, she thought she would

have some fun by watching her husband

to see how he acted when she was not

with him. She joined the party and

soon spotted her husband cavorting around

on the dance floor, dancing with every nice

woman he could, and copping a little

touch here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and, being
a rather seductive babe herself, he left his

current partner high and dry and

devoted his time to the new babe who had just

arrived. She let him go as far as he wished …

naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition
in her ear and she agreed. So off they

went to one of the cars and had a quickie.

Just before unmasking at midnight,
she slipped away, went home, put the

costume away, and got into bed,

wondering what kind of explanation he would

make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she

asked what kind of a time he had.

He said: “Oh, the same old thing.

You know I never have a good time when

you’re not there.”

– “Did you dance much?”
– “You know, I never even danced one dance.

When I got there, I met Pete,

Bill Browning, and some other guys, so

we went into the den and played

poker all evening. But you’re not going to

believe what happened to the

guy I loaned my costume to…”