Apartment for rent! Be very carefull what you rent!!

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon
with her for R500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told
her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his
secretary writes a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT
FOR APARTMENT.”

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing
that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his
secretary send a cheque for R250 and enclose the following typed note:

“Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for R250 for rent of your apartment. I am not
sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was
under the impression that:

1 – it had never been occupied;
2 – there was plenty of heat; and
3 – it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there
wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.”

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for
R250 with the following note:

“Dear Sir:
First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment
to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if
you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the
management.

Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your
present landlady!!!

Skerp op die oudag..? Of is dit nou ‘n boer met ‘n plan??

Oom Koos van die Oos Transvaal besit sy plasie nou al vir donkiejare.

Skuins agter die bloekoms het hy destyds vir sy kinders die plaasdam in ‘n
swemplek omskep en goed ingerig, met piekniektafels, braaigeriewe en
vrugtebome.

Een aand, so skemer se kant, besluit Oom Koos, in sy eensaamheid, om bietjie
daar by die dam te gaan sit. Hy neem toe ook ‘n emmer saam om ‘n paar van
die vrugte terug te neem huis toe.

Soos wat hy aangestap kom, hoor hy vrolike stemme gesels en giggel. Hy val
plat agter ‘n bos en loer deur die takke om te sien wat aangaan. Tot sy swak
hart beleef hy ‘n groep kaal meisies wat in die dam swem. Hy staan toe op en
stap nader om die meisies te laat weet hulle betree eintlik ‘n ander man se
eiendom. Toe hulle hom sien, sak hulle almal laer af, sodat die water die
nodige toemaak.

Een van die meisies skreeu benoud op die oom: “Ons klim nie uit voor oom nie
weggaan nie!”

“Nee, nee, bedaar niggie, ek is nie hier om te kyk hoe die spulletjie van
julle kaal swem nie…..” Hy hou die emmer omhoog en
sê:

“Ek is net gou hier om die krokodil kos te gee………………”

Do you know what I think..????

Fred and Larry got married in California.
They couldn’t afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred’s Mom and Dad’s house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred’s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.
She replies, ‘No’.
Johnny asks, ‘Do you know what I think?’
His mom replies, ‘I don’t want to hear what you think!  Just go to school.’
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, ‘Are Fred and Larry up yet?’
She replies, ‘No.’
Johnny says, ‘Do you know what I think?’
His mom replies, ‘Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school ‘
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
‘Are Fred and Larry up yet?’
His mom says, ‘No.’
He asks, ‘Do you know what I think?’
His mom replies, ‘OK, now tell me what you think.’
He says: ‘Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think…… I gave him my airplane glue.’

Eksamenflater …. !!!!

Jannie kom terug van sy Finale ambulansman eksamen, in ekstase, en skree

vir sy vrou:

“PAK IN! PAK IN! PAK IN! ons kan uit eindelik bekostig om uit die klein

plekkie uit te trek ! “

Sy vroutjie vra opgewonde: “Was die eksamen maklik?

Sal jy deur wees?”

Jannie se: “Ja man baie maklik, net een vraag!”

Hulle vra : “Jy kom op ‘n ongeluks toneel en jy moet jou hand plaas op

‘n plek om te voel of die persoon nog lewe. die woord begin met ‘n P en

eindig met ‘n S.”

Sy vroutjie val hom opgewonde in die rede: “POLS, ja dit is maklik.”

Jannie skree: “AG NEE F#K! PAK UIT! PAK UIT! PAK UIT!”

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . .


Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman:” Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp….”

Doctor:”I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle”.

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:” Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.

Doctor:” you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!”

Nurses aren’t supposed to laugh… !!!

‘Of course I won’t laugh, said the nurse. I’m a professional. In over
Twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.’

‘Okay then,’ said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing
The tiniest ‘man thingy’ the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it
Couldn’t have been bigger than an AAA battery. Unable to control
Herself, the nurse started giggling, and then fell to the floor laughing.

Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her
Composure.

‘I am so sorry,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what came over me. On my honor
as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won’t happen again. Now, tell me,
what seems to be the problem?’

…’It’s swollen,’ Fred replied.

She ran out of the room…..