Agenda vir ‘n blerrie mooi BRAAI!

F irst of all, you’ll need ingredients

– 12 cases of beer (Black Label)
– 9 bottles of Klippies
– 4 2lt Cokes (for mix)
– 4 2lt Coke Lights (for the tjerries and vet Gert)
– 1 bottle of Sourz (for the tjerries and your wife’s moffie cousin [there is always a moffie cousin])
– 3 5lt Late Harvest papsakke (for the tjerries)
– 1 Springbok (they’re useless anyway)
– 5 meters of Kaas Wors (from Edleen Slaghuis)
– 5kg tjops (from Edleen Slaghuis)
– 5kg T-bone (from Pick ‘n Pay)
– At least 5 tjerries (to stand in the kitchen and make salad and prepare the buns and all that kak)
– 1 Half gallon drum braai
– 10 bags of Charka
– 4 boxes of Blitz
– January 2001 – August 2001’s “Boxburg Expresses ”
– 1 hose pipe
– 1 bucket

Note: If you need more meat, check in my pants.

05:00: Throw 2 bags of charka, January through March’s Expresses and a half a box of Blitz in the drum, and light the mofo – for a good solid braai foundation..
05:35: Open 1 bottle of Klippies and one 2lt Coke.
06:15: Mutter to yourself that you’re sure they’re making the Klippies bottles smaller these days, and crack open a beer.
06:20: Go check that no one stole the meat from under your carport during the night.
06:30: Beer
06:35: Beer
06:45: Sms your mates to tell them “Today’s going to be a fo$%en jol china!!”
06:55: Explain to your mom that you accidentally sms’ed her and that you would never swear at her.
07:00: Beer
07:20: Microwave some of last night’s Mac n Cheese for breakfast.
08:00: Wake up your goose so that she can go spinning.
08:30: Walk around the house (and yard) naked while you’re goose is at spinning class, making sure that everything is going good. – Check on the fire.
08:45: Gooi in another bag of Charka and the rest of the first box of Blitz.
09:15: Explain to your goose that the reason you’re walking around naked is to get rid of your snoring problem – You read this in Men’s Health
10:00: Give her money to go buy buns and stuff for the slaai.
10:15: Stop arguing and give her more money to get her hair done.
10:20: Give her your credit card.
10:30: Sit down to watch some tv and have a few beers.
11:30: Wonder where the first case of beer went, take one from the second case.
12:30: Look at your 7 cases of beer and decide that it should still be enough for the guys.
12:55: Tell your goose that you only had 1 or 2 beers and that she shouldn’t moan so much.
13:00: Vet Gert and his goose arrive – open 2nd bottle of Klippies and the Coke light, and open 1 papsak for his wife.
13:45: Feel a slight buzz.
14:30: Look at the 3rd bottle of Klippies and squint.
14:45: Feel buzzed more.
15:00: By this time should be everyone there.
15:15: Charka another bag of throw on the braai and open a beer.
15:30: Kak praat and beer
15:45: Ask the tjerries if the ready is buns and the buttered is slaai.
16:00: Klippies praat and kak
16:30: Arm wrestling competitions with moffie the cousin
16:50: Say to everyone that you win him let.
16:55: Suck petrol out of Vet Car’s Gert to just in case..
17:15: Give the Springbok a USN endorsement and let him go (Tee hee).
17:30: Meat the rest of the braai on the put and beer another have.
18:00: The more needs to fire burn, get the petrol.
18:45: ARWYP Medical Centre – Burn grade 1st wounds.
19:30: House at back – Gert thank for beer open another braaing and the 6th bottle of Klippies.
20:30: Open Sourz bottle of 8th and hand Klippies out shooters of.
21:00: Tell love that you everyone them, especially Gert Vet Wife and your Vet Wife.
21:30: Finish the last beer of Klippies and case of bottle.
22:15: ARWYP Cedical Mentre – Stomach Pump

03:45: Eat.

4 thoughts on “Agenda vir ‘n blerrie mooi BRAAI!

  1. Ek het ook al ‘n paar van die braaie gehou.

    Ek kon die volgende dag nie eers onthou wie almal daar was nie en hoe ek innie bed gekom het nie. EISH Aicona nie weer nie, toooo much pain innie kop en bewe-lewer sindroom.

  2. Dude – jy en Vet Gert en julle tjerries kan maar solank opstock vir 24 September – Nasionale Braaidag! Moettie vergeet nie – dis in landsbelang dat almal daai dag met hulle buddies en fandamalies braai!
    May The Wors Be With You
    Braai Spice

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