F irst of all, you’ll need ingredients
– 12 cases of beer (Black Label)
– 9 bottles of Klippies
– 4 2lt Cokes (for mix)
– 4 2lt Coke Lights (for the tjerries and vet Gert)
– 1 bottle of Sourz (for the tjerries and your wife’s moffie cousin [there is always a moffie cousin])
– 3 5lt Late Harvest papsakke (for the tjerries)
– 1 Springbok (they’re useless anyway)
– 5 meters of Kaas Wors (from Edleen Slaghuis)
– 5kg tjops (from Edleen Slaghuis)
– 5kg T-bone (from Pick ‘n Pay)
– At least 5 tjerries (to stand in the kitchen and make salad and prepare the buns and all that kak)
– 1 Half gallon drum braai
– 10 bags of Charka
– 4 boxes of Blitz
– January 2001 – August 2001’s “Boxburg Expresses ”
– 1 hose pipe
– 1 bucket
Note: If you need more meat, check in my pants.
05:00: Throw 2 bags of charka, January through March’s Expresses and a half a box of Blitz in the drum, and light the mofo – for a good solid braai foundation..
05:35: Open 1 bottle of Klippies and one 2lt Coke.
06:15: Mutter to yourself that you’re sure they’re making the Klippies bottles smaller these days, and crack open a beer.
06:20: Go check that no one stole the meat from under your carport during the night.
06:45: Sms your mates to tell them “Today’s going to be a fo$%en jol china!!”
06:55: Explain to your mom that you accidentally sms’ed her and that you would never swear at her.
07:20: Microwave some of last night’s Mac n Cheese for breakfast.
08:00: Wake up your goose so that she can go spinning.
08:30: Walk around the house (and yard) naked while you’re goose is at spinning class, making sure that everything is going good. – Check on the fire.
08:45: Gooi in another bag of Charka and the rest of the first box of Blitz.
09:15: Explain to your goose that the reason you’re walking around naked is to get rid of your snoring problem – You read this in Men’s Health
10:00: Give her money to go buy buns and stuff for the slaai.
10:15: Stop arguing and give her more money to get her hair done.
10:20: Give her your credit card.
10:30: Sit down to watch some tv and have a few beers.
11:30: Wonder where the first case of beer went, take one from the second case.
12:30: Look at your 7 cases of beer and decide that it should still be enough for the guys.
12:55: Tell your goose that you only had 1 or 2 beers and that she shouldn’t moan so much.
13:00: Vet Gert and his goose arrive – open 2nd bottle of Klippies and the Coke light, and open 1 papsak for his wife.
13:45: Feel a slight buzz.
14:30: Look at the 3rd bottle of Klippies and squint.
14:45: Feel buzzed more.
15:00: By this time should be everyone there.
15:15: Charka another bag of throw on the braai and open a beer.
15:30: Kak praat and beer
15:45: Ask the tjerries if the ready is buns and the buttered is slaai.
16:00: Klippies praat and kak
16:30: Arm wrestling competitions with moffie the cousin
16:50: Say to everyone that you win him let.
16:55: Suck petrol out of Vet Car’s Gert to just in case..
17:15: Give the Springbok a USN endorsement and let him go (Tee hee).
17:30: Meat the rest of the braai on the put and beer another have.
18:00: The more needs to fire burn, get the petrol.
18:45: ARWYP Medical Centre – Burn grade 1st wounds.
19:30: House at back – Gert thank for beer open another braaing and the 6th bottle of Klippies.
20:30: Open Sourz bottle of 8th and hand Klippies out shooters of.
21:00: Tell love that you everyone them, especially Gert Vet Wife and your Vet Wife.
21:30: Finish the last beer of Klippies and case of bottle.
22:15: ARWYP Cedical Mentre – Stomach Pump