You know you’re in JHB when..

1. The person in front of you in traffic this morning was hijacked and you got irritated because you missed the robot.

2. While eating dinner, a news item comes on TV about a family of six slaughtered in their home, and you ask someone to pass you the salt.
3. You never think of taxis in terms of public transport.
4. While waiting at the ATM, the bank is robbed by armed gunmen, but you’ll be damned if you’re going to lose your place in the queue.
5. You’re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
6. The last time you drove your car without swearing at someone was when you took your drive test.
7. It takes you an hour and a half to drive 5km to work in the morning and you think wow, good traffic day.
8. Every time you find your car parked where you left it you are genuinely surprised.
9. You’ve never been to Melville or Rocky St but love Sandton City.
10. You can get into a four-hour argument about the quickest way out of Sunninghill after work on a Friday, but can’t find Boksburg on a map. Oh, and where is Nigel?
11. You’ve seriously considered shooting someone.
12. You have more barbed wire around your home than Diepkloof Prison.

13. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.


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