Kids advice ….. to Kids….!

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10

2. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him.
– Michael, 14

3. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14

4. Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9

5. Never pee on an electric fence. – Robert, 13

6. Don’t squat with your spurs on. – Noronha, 13

7. Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells you to. – Emily, 10

8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair. –
Taylia, 11

9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school
assignment. – Traci, 14

10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. – Kyoyo, 9

11. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. – Armir, 9

12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. – Lauren, 9

13. Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. – Joel, 10

14. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on
the phone. – Alyesha, 13

15. Never try to baptize a cat. – Eileen, 8

Chinese sayings.

“Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who run in front of car get
tired.”

“Passionate kiss like spider web – soon lead to undoing of fly.”

“Virginity like bubble. One prick – all gone!”

“Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.”

“Man who walk through airport turnstile backwards going to Bangkok.”

“Man who do business in whorehouse get jerked around.”

“Baseball wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk!”

“Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.”

“War not determine who right. War determine who left.”

“Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.”

“Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!”

“It take many nail to build crib, but one screw to fill it.”

“Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!”

“Man who live in glass house should change in basement.”

“Boy who go to bed with sexual problem wake up with solution in hand”

“Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.”

Marriage!

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’
‘Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.’

__________

 
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
‘Husband Wanted’.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
‘You can have mine.’

__________  

 
A woman is incomplete until she is married.

Then she is finished .

 
__________

 

A young son asked,
‘Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?’  

Dad replied, ‘That happens in every country, son.’

 
__________

 
Then there was a woman who said,
‘I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.’

 
__________

 
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

 
__________

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say…

talk in your sleep.  
__________  

 
Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.

 
__________

First guy says, ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second guy remarks, ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’

 
__________

 
‘A Woman’s Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man ,

to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord,
if I pray for Strength I’ll just beat him to death’

 
__________

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.  A
blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it
overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband
gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on
the sidewalk, and says to him, ‘Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the
end of your stick?  That ticking sound is driving me crazy.’

The blind man replies, ‘If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
we’d be riding the bus, so shut up.’