KIDS IN CHURCH

 

   
3-year-old Reese:  
“Our Father, Who does art in heaven,    
Harold is His name.  
Amen.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
A little boy was overheard
praying:    
“Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it.    
I’m having a real good time like I am.”    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
After the christening of his baby brother in church,    
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.    
His father asked him three times what was wrong.    
Finally, the boy replied,  
“That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,    
and I wanted to
stay with you guys.”    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
One particular four-year-old prayed,    
“And forgive us our trash baskets    
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they    
were on the way to church service,    
“And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”    
One bright little girl replied,    
“Because people are sleeping.”    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.    
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.    
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.    
“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,    
‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’
   
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,    
“Ryan, you be Jesus!”    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
A father was at the beach with his children    
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,    
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore    
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.    
“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.    
“He died and went
to Heaven,” the Dad replied.    
The boy thought a moment and then said,    
“Did God throw him back down?”    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
A wife invited some people to dinner.    
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,    
“Would you like to say the blessing?”    
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.    
“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered.    
The daughter bowed her head and said,    
“Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    

 

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Jannie wonder…..

Die sewejarige Jannie het gewonder waar hy vandaan kom.
“Hoe het ek hier gekom, Mamma?” vra hy ewe onskuldig.
Sy ma gee hom toe die standaard antwoord : “Die ooievaar het jou gestuur.’
“Het die ooievaar vir mamma ook hiernatoe gestuur?”
“Ja my kind, hy het my ook gestuur.”
“En vir ouma en oupa en pappa ook?” vra klein Jannie
Weer sê sy ma ja.
Jannie skud sy kop in ongeloof “Wil ma nou sê dat niemand in hierdie
familie die afgelope 200 jaar seks gehad het nie?” G’n wonder almal is so dikbek nie!”

Why God made Mums !!

BRILLIANT Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!!

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mum?
1. We’re related
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mum didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because Dad’s such a nut.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What’s the difference between mums & dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but mums have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Graad 5 Afrikaans eksamen

1. Waarvoor word beesvelle gebruik?
om die bees binne te hou

2. Wat is outobiografie?
dis die ontstaan en geskiedenis van die motorkar

3. Noem 5 dinge wat melk bevat?
kaas, botter en 3 koeie

4. Wat is die verlede tyd van eet?
Honger

5. Wat is die verkleinwoord van Oupa?
Kleinseun

6. Wat is die teenoorgestelde van kleinneef?
kleinteef

7. Wat is die doel van die kies- en oogtande?
die kiestande kou die kos en die oogtande kyk dat hulle die kouwerk
goed doen.

8. Voltooi die volgende idioom: Hoe meer haas…
hoe groter haaspastei

9. Wat is die meervoud van kabeljou?
kabeljulle

10. ‘n Sin met “ter aarde bestel…”
“Wie op ter aarde bestel so ‘n groot koek?”

11. Formule vir ‘n sirkel se omtrek:
“paai straal kordaat”

12. Wat is teenoorstaande hoeke?
Hoeke wat vir mekaar kyk

13. Waarom is die seun in die verhaal gestraf?
Omdat hy sy eie virgin van die volkslied gesing het.

14 . Wat is ‘n terminale siekte?
As jy op die lughawe siek word!

15. Vertaal in Afrikaans: “I beg your pardon?” (My favorite)
HuH?

16 . Wat noem ons iemand wat velle looi?
Onderwyser

17. Wat kry jy as jy jou melktande wissel?
Pepermenttande

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don’t want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they’re rich.
- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7 (Good Point)

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands)

 

Wat is ‘n ma en ‘n pa? Deur die oog van ‘n kind.

Wat is ‘n Pa ?

Pa’s werk baie hart en het baie papier gelt. Pa’s hou baie van teevee kyk op Saterdag.

Pa’s wil slaap op Sondag. Pa’s maak braaivlys vir kos en is sterk en sê hille is die baas.

Pa’s het visstokke, grawe en baie anner goet in die graatsh en hille vee nie uit en stof af nie. Pa’s lees as hille kamer verlaat.

Pa’s hou van tannies wat nie gelt het vir kleere nie en wat net kostjums dra.

Pa’s gee hart pak as ma so sê. Pa’s gaan op vikansie en vat ma’s en kinners altyt saam. Hille krap hille gesigte skoon want dit wort vol hare as hule slaap.

Pa’s werk altyt as kinners iets wil doen, en het baie werk vir kinners. Ma’s het ook baie werk vir pa’s. Pa’s is kwaai maar hille is bang vir ma’s.

Wat is ‘n Ma ?

Maas is baje mooi. Hille kleer hille gesigte in. Maas lees vir mens stories.

Maas kan goet sien, as jy klaar gebat het sien hille dis nog vyl agter jou ore. As jy stout is sien hille deer ‘n mier en vra wat jy alweer doen. Hille maak groente vir kos en ons kry lekker poeding as ons allis opeet.

Maas moet baje slim wees, want ons jivrouens gee vir ons hyswerk dan doen ons maas dit.

Maas vat kinners skool toe en soen hille voor anner kinners en tanies. Maas is altyt laat en sê kiners moet gou maak.

As jy siek is pas Maas jou op.

Maas het baje gelt vir tamatiesous, pienatbater, seep en tannepasta, kofie en pap maar net biekie gelt vir swiets.

Maas sê altyt hille het nie gelt nie maar dan koop hille ‘n trolie vol goeters.

Maas hou van winkels waar mens net ‘n papierkie teken want dan hoef jy nie te petaal nie.

Maas sê altyt hille is vet as hille ou kleere aantrek, niewe kleere pas net reg en dan is hille maar.

Maas is baje virsigtig. Hille sê altyt pasop vir die karre en slyt al die dere. Hille is bang vir krieke, en jaag die hond van die bet af.

Maas is baje vliks. Hille praat lank op die foon, lees boek en kyk dys of de laaivs op tiewie en dan maak hille vinig kos voorlat Paas kom.

Maas gaan eendag hemil toe want hille bit baje en ken alis van Liewe Hiesis.

Ek is baje lief vir Maas.