THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
– that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s
empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?

Swem Jannie, swem!

n Ryk plaasboer kry ‘n klomp manne bymekaar.
Hy vat hulle tot by die rivier vol krokodille. Die boer se toe vir die manne.
Die een wat die rivier kan deur swem en lewendig ander kant uit kom kan met my dogter trou en kry al my rykdom.
Die manne kom tot by die rivier en sien nee dit lyk te gevaarlik.
Die volgende oomblik is vannemerwe in en hy swem.
Met ‘n moerse gesukkel en spartel maak hy dit tot aan die ander kant.
Die boer skree vir hom. Wil jy met my dogter trou.
Vannemerwe skree NEE!
… Die boer skree toe. Soek jy my rykdom.
Vannemerwe skree NEE!
Die boer vra toe. Wat soek jy dan.
Vannemerwe skree terug.
Die bliksem wat my in gestamp het!!