Some true ?!…. sayings?!

Always forgive your enemies – Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don’t have film.

You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won’t expect it back.

I like work.  It fascinates me.  I  sit and look at it for hours.

If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Headaches!

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.”The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition that causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles,” the doctor says. Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he has anything to live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He walked past a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need-a new suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.” The salesman eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see, size 44 long?” Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?” “It’s my job,” the salesman said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?” Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.” The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see… 34 sleeve and sixteen and a half neck?” Joe was surprised. “That’s right, how did you know?” he asked. “It’s my job,” the salesman said again. Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about new shoes?” Joe was on a roll and said, “Sure,” The salesman eyed Joe’s feet and said, “Let’s see, size nine and a half Joe was astonished. “That’s right, how did you know?” “It’s my job,” the salesman repeated. Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about a new hat?” Without hesitating, Joe said, “Sure.” The salesman eyed Joe’s head and said, “Let’s see, seven and five-eighths.” Joe was incredulous, “That’s right, how did you know?” Joe asked. “It’s my job,” the salesman laughed. The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?” Joe thought for a second and said, “Sure.” The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see, size thirty-six?” Joe laughed, “No, I’ve worn size thirty-four since I was eighteen-years-old.” The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”